2014's July went away, now August's here.
The second half of 2014's officially into its second month.
Five more months and it'll be 2015.
There's an owl hooting outside..
My July was a little stressful.
I was finally willing to seriously, earnestly learn to face the responsibilities that I know I should have.
Nothing complicated, just a heart that is reluctant to change yet at the same time this heart very clearly knows that change is eventual.
This time, the change is of deliberate gradualness, part learning, part contemplation, part self-persuasion.
Definitely not 100% successful, but for all the times that it did, I gained respect for myself.
This kind of gentle and frank acknowledgement can only come from my own very self.
Only now I truly acknowledge that all this while I honestly do mind how others perceive me.
Very often when I failed to meet expectations, I actually blamed myself a lot, gave myself a whole lot of a hard time, sinking deeper into misery each time..
Losing that last tiny bit of confidence every. single. time.
Avoiding and running away from everything all the time.
Now I gradually see the me that I never did see before.
This is also something that only me can do for myself.
It has huge, significant meaning for my future personal growth.
I also realize that I've gotten to know and accept myself more through writing.
I am partly thankful to myself for my own initiative to join different kinds of events all these years, getting to know different kinds of people and things, tirelessly reading up articles on my favourite subject, human nature.
Not very consistent though, that's why it took me so long.
Of course, there are many, many people and things that I'm thankful for.
I have not forgotten, nor do I feel that it is of any less importance.
My emphasis is, the real, most inner self is often the most neglected one.
Living the current chapter of my life one step at a time gives me more satisfaction and sense of achievement than ever before.
I'm still not perfect, making mistakes here and there every now and then, getting angry over the littlest thing, staying true to my eccentric self =.=
But now I see my strengths and accept my imperfections..
And because of that, I begin to see your strengths and gradually learn to accept your imperfections too.