You know how you'd get all these strange stares or hand-covered whispers, outright impatient outbursts even, right in front of your face when you've just done something deemed unacceptable by the rest of the world at large?
That very amusing and perhaps embarrassing yet irritating and frustrating kind of feeling that you are, once again, at odds with the world?
I am not the provocative type, but perhaps due to my eccentric and idiosyncratic nature, submissively passive as I used to be, I often find myself under siege.
It's all harmless really, reactions vary from being the subject of jokes to point-blank questionings. Not the kind of attention that one would crave for, but it's still b-e-a-r-a-b-l-e.
Sometimes it does get out of hand though.
As I gradually transition myself from the submissively passive me to the initiatively affable me (cough), somewhere in between, there are these awkward phases where I utter or do things that do not necessarily convey what I actually want to express.
Hence misunderstandings arise.
People get offended and utter or do things that they themselves would regret.
Provided that they realize that some of things they utter or do don't really make sense and are pretty offensive as well as defensive themselves.
Most of the time they don't realize. Seriously.
I believe I am not exempted from such errors as well if the tables are turned.
So who am I to judge?
I eventually chose to forgive and let go.
With or without apologies.
It's actually a big blow to my ego, I'd say, but in retrospect it's the best gift I'd ever given myself. That kind of happiness and freedom is remarkable.. And priceless.
I am definitely no saint. Frankly speaking, I was very hurt and disappointed yet I couldn't bring myself to voice anything out further because I knew it would only make matters worse. Fortunately I had a strong support system in the form of people who are patient enough to hear me out and understand me, whether or not they supported what I did or said.
And I thank myself for continuously striving to educate and train myself in the realms of personal development and self-realization. That I never gave up on myself.
I choose to focus on the larger picture, in creating a better world for myself, especially for future generations. Mindset is key.
And everything, everything begins with me, from little things like these.
I may be clumsy and make loads of mistakes along the way but deep down in my heart, I know I'm on the right path.
Praise the Lord! =)