Tuesday, August 28, 2012


This has been a persistent, recurring theme since the beginning of the year.

First it was a friend. Then there were the personal growth sites. Speakers at a recent book fair were next and today, my siblings. If words were arrows, I could have died. Serious.

I'm one of those common uncommon people that think too much and do too little. If any.

Why wouldn't I "just do it"?

Let's see. Fears, check. Perfectionism, check. Procrastination, check.

I just googled, the next P would be for PARALYSIS. Not something I would deny, in fact, it's a far more familiar theme than the title itself. But the nagging feeling that something was amiss was always there no matter how hard I consciously or unconsciously continued to numb myself, telling myself that I was happy with my life. That I was satisfied with what I have.

An empty shell, to be exact. No one can ever be happy or satisfied with an unfulfilling life.. Who was I trying to kid???

Oh yeah, me.

So what am I going to do now?

No way am I going to tell anyone what am I up to anymore. After several failed attempts to act after declaring my, uh, aspirations to the world, I've come to the conclusion that one advice doesn't really fit all. I've had friends, a good friend's sister even, asking me what happened to a particular ambitious dream of mine, to which I just smiled and shrugged off with the plainest of answers, "I've given up."

Astonishingly p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c. Unbelievably D-I-S-A-P-P-O-I-N-T-I-N-G.

Plus, the more people posed me questions, the faster I gave up. There are reasons (or excuses, if you must) why, of course, but the main thing was because I was very, very unsure of myself. Still, I shouldn't have given up so easily.

For so many times summor!

But that's me. And thus, with all those, ahem, wisdom in mind, I've decided to keep mum on what I'm going to do next. If anyone out there actually do care, just be patient and understanding with me, that's all I ask.

Or, just ignore me.
(until I come and bug you till the cows come home for any particular reason whatsoever)

Friday, August 17, 2012

This Is The Present.

The present.
cherishing the time we spend together

Hiked a small hill with a group of new friends in the wee hours of the morning the other day, hoping to catch the sunrise. Small as it is, the hill had 3 peaks. The above picture was taken by yours truly as we were closing in on the first peak, half-wishing that someone would take such a picture of me and my closest friends as well..

Then again, they don't really do hiking.

It was breezy up there on the peaks. A soft wind was blowing every now and then. Tempted to think (read: worry) about my future as usual, I allowed myself to feel the cool air on my face with eyes closed and mind freed of all senseless anxieties instead.. To just feel the present in its entirety.

It was a very peaceful feeling.

The hill's actually a very popular hiking spot due to its low difficulty as well as beautiful views up above and down below, so we weren't exactly the only ones up there. Nevertheless, a part of the sereneness somehow remains despite the extra man-made noises as some of us sat down quietly to take in all the magnificence that still nothing else can offer but nature itself.

Basking in nothing else but the present.

The present. The now.

"My future is created today, not tomorrow." I came across this in a Robert Kiyosaki book, which he uses to remind himself to take a little time from each day and utilise that time to create the kind of future he wants. Maybe earn an extra 10 dollar doing a little more something, exercise an extra 15 minutes running a little more distance, read an extra chapter learning a little more knowledge.. For tomorrow.

While it's subject to a healthy amount of debate, I find it rather inspiring.

Instead of somehow repeatedly reminding myself to forgive myself for my dull and selfish past by constantly reflecting on and apologising for what I did and didn't do, or even what others did and didn't do for that matter, I put my past behind me and strive to put my focus on my present, on what I can do to make things so much more meaningful from now on.

Instead of keep worrying and numbing myself over how will I ever achieve my dreams which include getting myself out of my seemingly constant dismal financial situation, I put my future in front of me and strive to put my focus on my present, on what I can do to make myself come alive and ready to take on significant challenges ahead fearlessly.

This is, and will be, the most wonderful present from me to myself, and my loved ones, for a very, very long time.