Thursday, July 7, 2011

One More Day.

Before I leave home for the big city again. Almost two, to be exact.

Am back for holidays, so it's been pretty easy-going, with LOTS of dawdling around the house. Definitely more than usual.

Ah well.

I shall miss the luxury, sigh. Still, 9 days of that is just good enough, before mushrooms start growing on me and I forget that I actually need to work.

It felt funny at first, home. Maybe because I've been away for the longest period of time so far, or maybe it was just the PMS. It made me feel weird and a little lost, feelings that somehowsomewaysometimes define me but also feelings that I am so not fond of.

Or maybe it's the clean bedsheet and blanket and pillows, sure feels good to FINALLY have those after putting off bed-stuff cleaning for the longest period of time so much so I ended up sleeping in a chair, the kind of office chair with an adjustable high back, for weeks before I came back.

Anneeway.

All those went away eventually and I started to enjoy all the extra time I had. Heaven on earth.

Been making sure that I spend time with my parents, who are actually pretty homebody-ish people themselves, to my delight =.= Nothing much really, just lots of chatting and listening basically. Was too lazy to do chores most of the time - not that I didn't help out, just not as often as I thought I would - so yeah, just lots of chatting and listening =.=

I'll miss them.

I've been somewhat tormenting myself with morbid thoughts of either of them passing over, you know, to the other side. It's a devastatingly sad feeling.. I just wish I didn't take things for granted as much as I still do.

Arrrrghhhh.

Been catching up with some friends as well. Just some, because making myself go out the door takes quite a bit of persuasion.. me, persuading myself.. yeah, go figure.

Okay, it's more like going against the lazy me, winning some and losing some. Same with everything else actually, including the chores.

Am glad, though, that I did manage to drag myself to meet up with some of the old friends. Exchanging updates, reminiscing the old times, sharing experiences, stories and thoughts.. While I don't trust my brain to remember the details (slowly vaporising with each ticking second), I do cherish the time spent with them. I wish I could push myself to meet more, but this is the best that I can MANAGE for now =.=

I particularly enjoy the heart-to-heart chats, which made the time spent even more worthwhile. And apparently, I appear to be more able to express myself this time, surprising myself also. I'm quite sure it's a recent thing but I'm not very sure whether it's because I'm home or if it's here to stay, much less improve. But I admit to feeling a LITTLE different confidence-wise, like I'm not that afraid to speak out what I think or something. Like I'm able to describe things that are relevant to me instead of going blank and conveniently brushing them away with a dunno as I've always did. It's nothing big, but it seems to be the LITTLE start of a maybe-big something..

Time will tell.

So, one more day. Big city, I'll be back soon.