Despite knowing that and somehow keeping that fact adrift in some corner of my rusty brain, I waste my time like it's nobody's business, like I've plenty of tomorrows to play catch up with.
I admire those who know what to do with their lives and even if they don't, they go about exploring the unknown world out there anyway, you know, just go and do 'em stuff. I, on the other hand, still don't have the faintest idea of what do I want from this mere existence of mine (and also what God has in plan for me as I'm far too occupied with my own thoughts to honestly listen to Him =.=), and.. let's just say I'm too 'careful' for my own good, so to speak.
If it's any consolation, my list of things that I don't want to be or do is growing steadily. But nah, it's hardly any comfort, if only a little.
Steve Jobs said, "...I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle..."
This is what I'm trying to hang on to lately. To keep me sane, primarily.
Perhaps, one day I'd find that I actually do not want anything at all. That the now me is actually good enough, happy enough. That this is what God wants for me after all.
Yeah right. I wouldn't be in this dark, confused state of mind if that's really the case.
I've been having a lot of thoughts of my family recently and I'm kind of having this itsy-bitsy longing to move back home to be with my parents especially. Well, that's not happening anytime soon, so.. I'm still one anything-but-filial daughter. Shame, shameee on me.
Life is definitely short, time does fly like it's nobody's business (which, of course, is everyone's business because.. we ALWAYS need more time!! =.=). How I wish I wouldn't take it for granted so, so much.